A husband who loves God More than ME....

 

Last night , my husband and I  lay in bed cradling, crying and just loving on our 13 year old Shitzu Ripley as she lay taking her last breaths. 13 years she gave us with love not based on any type of condition ,just true pure joy and love and I know she felt our love and hurt as she left us . This morning , we both woke up in tears again, me … Im cleaning away trying to keep busy as Im crying and while Im upstairs I hear my husband downstairs sawing and hammering away. Im thinking he too is trying to stay busy. I walk downstairs and I see that my husband had just built our little Ripley a little coffin, through tears Marks said “She has been faithful to us , I just cant go throw her in a hole” We both just cried.. he carried her gently out and made a beautiful garden memorial for her. As I came back upstairs and went to my porch where I sit and talk with Jesus,Im crying and talking with him and I thought about what my son Cody wrote to me last night “Mom, Im so sorry , your one of the strongest women I know and you battle through anything” I told Jesus, Im tired of the battles and at that moment  he  reminded me  this man Mark Haase whom he has placed in my life. Not only is Jesus wanting to take my burdens and my battles, but he reminded me of this man who is also here for me ALWAYS…

                                                                     

After two failed Jehovah Witness marriages, in 1998 after I was convicted and saved , I met my husband Mark, through my pastor. I was not looking to get married again. My pastor asked me what is it if I were to get married again what is it that I would want in a man, I thought about it and all I wanted was a man who loved God more than me . Simple! My thoughts were if he truly loved God and loved him more than me then he def could love me . God worked Mark and I like checker pieces. I lived in Tn and he and Maryland . We have been married 17 years now . Our walk with Christ has not always been at the forefront but we have had many years where we did walk that walk and we had much success. My husband is a person who means what he says and says what he means.  Since we have been married his stance of beliefs has not changed ,he isn’t confusing.

When he married me , he understood I was a former Jehovah Witness, he truly did not understand the full meaning nor grasp  what that would entail as a matter of fact I wasn’t even grasping what being a disassociated witness was now going to mean . My husband , took to learning and reading about JW’s , reading stories of others who were in the same boat as me being  shunned. The shunning literally was making me so sick that it was hard for me to walk side by side as a submissive wife with my husband. Therefore , my sickness was making my husbands walk with Christ weak .. The bible gives the headship role and some may disagree with me but my husband is the head of our household and when I am or was not walking with him as a submissive wife , it allowed the Devil to create havoc , Jesus reminded me of the Scripture in 1 Corinthians 11:1-34

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. ...

                                                                                     

Mark is my head , when I say submissive , not meaning that Mark shouldn’t take my opinion and thoughts into consideration but when he says no its no . He also reminded me although we have had our moments when life was unraveling if we would stay evenly yoked it would have been much better. My husband can at times  be a little bold and head strong putting it mildly..lol. but he has always stood by me , he has always believed in me and he has always tried to protect me . He has loved me so much that at times I felt undeserving to be loved by him because I felt that it would only be a matter of time before he too like my parents would shun or place conditions on me . I think now Jesus , Im understanding the man you gave me , why is it that I have no problem accepting your yes answers in my life but at times when you have told me no or to wait I have problem with that , then I try to do things my own way and I make a muck our of everything. I feel I owe my husband and apology , I apologize for not walking with you at times , thank you for not walking away from me , thank you for loving me through all my hurt and pain with my parents and the religion in which I was brainwashed with .

Not long ago an elder of the JW’s stopped by our home to make a sheparding call on me, They do this from time to time in hopes of guilting me into coming back . As Mark sat there and talked to him , Mark asked him “ SO if my wife wanted to come back what kind of hoops would she have to jump to become a witness again” The elder proceeded to say how I would have to attend the meetings at the Kingdom Hall. Mark said “But that would mean no one could speak to her but they could speak to me until you as a bunch of elders deemed she was repentant “ The elder said “Yes, you have to understand we have to keep our congregation clean of Karen , since she is an apostate” My husband looked at him and said “ And as her husband , head of this family , I have to keep my wife clean and free form your congregation.. Good day “

                                                                             

My husband has always had my back , thank you Mark , I love you , I love your loyalty to our kids, you have helped raise 5 kids that are standing on their own two feet . I thank you for  your compassion and love for our animals and how you gently took care of Ripley this morning . I thank you for your love of our grandbabies and most of all I thank you for not giving up on me and for your walk with Christ here lately, you see by your walk of faith makes it so easy for me to walk in your foot prints, thank you for loving God more than me…. Your Bump