Will the real Mother please stand up .. A Mother in Laws Heart

                                                                      

 

 My blog today is to tell you how I’ve been SO blessed by my husband’s family.  You all know by now, what MY family, my parents are  like if you have followed by blogs...   I don’t know what it’s like to have a close child relationship with parents or what it’s like to truly be loved by parents.  I know what it’s like to be “judged” and “used” by my parents. Today, for some reason, my mother in law Marie Haase has been on my mind , well just not today but for a few days now, not because its her birthday anniversary or Mothers Day or the anniversary of her death, perhaps its because , of everything I have been through with my own biological mom who has thrown me under a bus, ran over me , has allowed a man and religion dictate what her relationship with her own daughter should be , rather than just loving me for who I am her daughter…  When I married Mark , almost 18 years ago , after Marie realized I was not going to take her son Mark back to Tn while she was alive , we became close so it was a shock when I was shown unconditional love by a family ( Marie my mother in law, Mark my husband and my sweet sister in law Lynn) who didn’t have to show me love.

As I was going through the kids baby pics today , I ran upon a birthday card that Marie gave me and what she wrote was this .



“Any woman can be a daughter-in-law but it takes a certain spirit in a person to make the “in-law part to fall away ,leaving that comfortable word DAUGHTER, Karen you are a loving wife, giving and loving mother and your presence in the life of our family Mark Lynn and I has been simply a gift”

I hadnt read  that card in a long time , quite honestly I had forgotten all about it until I came across it today , that was on my 30^th birthday  she wrote that , Im 46 now and looking back  I didn’t  even know how to accept love or compliments especially from a ‘mom”  I guess it hit me so hard because my own mother doesn’t feel the same way AND I know that Marie  really felt  this way.

                                                                        

When some people think of mother-in-laws a lot of thoughts come to mind which are usually not flattering. I cant help but be reminded of a mother in law in the bible who was also so loved by her daughter in laws: Naomi’s love and character was manifest to those around her throughout her life. Her love for God touched the hearts of Ruth and Orpah through her actions and sentiments while living as a Jew in Moab. Her love for her two daughters-in-law was so strong that she urged them to stay behind in Moab where they were more likely to find husbands. She continually provided motherly advice and guidance to Ruth. The strong character of Naomi led to her continued blessing from God and the opportunity for her to be a “mother” to one in our Lord’s lineage

Marie was always doing things for others even when she was sick or didn’t have a lot of money and often they were simple things. She adored small children and animals, and she loved people when they were at their worst as well as their best. She loved unconditionally - in every sense of the word. And she (thankfully) passed that ability to love so well down to her son Mark and her daughter Lynn and  I know this  because I am the fortunate recipient of that love from both my husband and sister in law.

 

From the moment I met Marie , she had 4 biological grandchildren Jessica, Josh , Brittany and Ben. Marie never once , introduced my boys Devon, Dakotah and Dylan as step grandchildren, she would always proudly boast I have 7 Grandchildren ,I knew when I married Mark she would treat them well and respect them, but I wasn’t prepared for her to actually love them- but she did. ( Picture below of all her grandbabies ,all 7 of them )

 

You could count on Marie to promptly send out birthday cards or anniversary cards. Her thank you cards were well thought out and at times very lengthy . Every gift fit that persons needs. She was attuned to anything new in your life , a new hair style, home decoration etc.. I have only ever been shown true unconditional love  by my mother in law Marie, She felt my losses as if they were her own  and she shared her thought sand feelings with me .



During the last few years of her life, was when her daughter, my sister in law Lynn became really close. We pulled together to take care of Marie and I think back as she lay in her bed at the house how she would smile seeing Lynn and I pick and make over her. Now, those of you who know Mark and Lynn , they are both quick witted and very comical, I never knew their dad Ben , but what I do know , is that Mark and Lynn got that quick wit from Marie. One evening about six months prior to Maries death , she was laying in her bed and Lynn and I were in the kitchen and we could see here asleep from the kitchen. However at this particular moment , from the kitchen , Marie was lying on her back and she did not appear to be breathing. Lynn looked at me , I looked at her, Lynn was gauging me saying “you go check and see if she is breathing “ I said “No  you go check “ we went back and forth with this for at least 5 minutes and all of a sudden we hear in a loud voice “Girls Im not dead yet “ and we all laughed..

 

I didn’t realize  how much it would mean to me to be with her when she took her last breath . It was a rainy night and Mark Lynn and I were all by her side as she would have wanted it to be .

Marie , I wish you could have remained here on Earth just a little while longer so your grandchildren and great grandchildren could know and truly appreciate the woman I knew .I will do my best to make sure Lexi and Grant and Raleigh and Emy  will know about your legacy of unconditional love.

I love you Marie , I miss you every day , I miss Bob Evans, Golden Corral , shopping for new panties and bras that you didn’t even wear but it was fun. I miss being with Lynn and you and hearing you argue and sometimes, when I really miss you Marie all I have to do is get Mark or Lynn start fussing and then I hear Marie come out of both their mouths as long as Mark and Lynn are living , I will always be able to get a glimpse of you .


                                                                    
                                                        



Marie, I will do  my best to continue to be a good wife to your son , a good sister to your daughter, a good mom to my children and  good Aunt to your grandchildren . I will always remember that unconditional love is possible even for mere mortals and I will spend my life trying to love everyone unconditionally, just the way you loved me , thank you for that , the light and truth of your love will never go out .. so today , I drop the “in law ‘and say I love you sweet mother.


                                                                     

An Empty Life or an Empty Tomb..which one I am thankful for

                                                                      

After  a long and frustrating day at work yesterday Saturday , when I got off at 6pm all I wanted to do was to just sit on my carport in the quiet. As much as I adore and love my son Devon , his wife Jessi and of course the light of my life ( besides Mark  lol) is Raleigh , they all came to the house at 6 pm just as I was getting done with work . It was a headache day at work and though I thought I just wanted to sit and enjoy some quiet time , Im so happy that Devon, Jessi and Raleigh came over.

While I was working yesterday , Devon and Jessi had taken Raleigh to an Easter Egg hunt at a friends church and later in the evening they attended an Easter Egg Hunt at our church Mercy Baptist with Pop. Since I was not able to attend , Devon and Jessi brought Raleigh by so I could see how much joy he had in hunting them little eggs


                                                                  

Jessi hid about 10 eggs in and around my flower garden and then Raleigh went to find them. When he would find one he would get the biggest smile on his face and say “YES”  and then tell MiMi what color the egg was . This made my rough day at work turn into the best day ever , seeing my little grandson  enjoy the beginning of an Easter weekend. Not only did it make me smile and happy seeing Raleigh enjoy the hunt but also seeing my son Devon enjoy the hunt smiling and laughing , I think Devon was just as excited about finding the eggs as Raleigh was because Jessi had to keep telling him “Devon let Raleigh find the eggs”.. right before Devon Jessi and Raleigh came over, my youngest son Dylan came over to sit a while.......
    
                                                            

 and after Devon Jessi and Raleigh left , I thought I was going to get some quite time and then came my middle son Cody and his g/f Erica . When I went to bed , I was thankful for my day.

                              

                      

                                                                          

As much as this brought happiness to me, it also for a moment brought me sadness. For all the years as a child I did not get to participate in an Easter Egg Hunt and for the first 10 years of my sons life they also did not get to enjoy the eggs and Easter bunny .

Jehovahs Witnesses do not celebrate Easter , they do not celebrate the resurrection of Christ , they only celebrate the death of Christ .

As a child, seeing other girls getting beautiful , frilly dresses for Easter ..I was always jealous , how fun that must be to get that new dress, go to church , have a big family dinner get some Easter Eggs and oh how I wanted a Chocolate Easter Bunny… come to think of it , Ive still never had a chocolate bunny..hmmm.. and as a child , seeing other kids hunt those plastic eggs , I often wondered what was in those eggs they hunted ..perhaps diamonds, 100$ bills or what …

Yes, as Christians we know that the Easter bunny isn’t real , we know that hunting eggs isn’t biblical , we know this , Easter is about Jesus rising again after his death and we teach Raleigh the story but I cant help but think how the Lord loves little children and how much happiness it must bring to him to see the little children play and be free for the day picking up eggs and eating chocolate bunnies. I think it would make him happy to see this not sad for the little Jehovah Witness kids who aren’t allowed to do anything.

Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Easter they only celebrate the Memorial of Christ death. As a fellow blogger explained :  As a child, your only chance at any type of party is the occasional wedding, which means dressing up in your uncomfortable Sunday clothes, sitting through a long sermon about marriage, then some boring party with grownup dancing.  As an adult, once you have your small and cheap wedding reception and a baby shower or two, your days of fun are over. If you think it’s difficult for children to give up holidays and birthdays, you would be absolutely right.

Jehovah’s Witnesses have often said in their publications that not being obligated to observe holidays like Christmas can actually be very freeing.  Note these quotes from the December 2010 Awake magazine:





“Our family has been set free from the problems associated with excess eating and drinking and the cost of gifts we could not afford,” says Oscar.

“I love giving and receiving gifts,” writes Elfie. “But I don’t like the kind of giving that is done under pressure. When our family stopped celebrating Christmas, it felt like a vacation!”

Peter writes: “When I was celebrating Christmas, I borrowed heavily in order to purchase gifts and pay for lavish meals. Of course, all this meant that I had to work overtime, which took me away from my family. How thrilled I was to be set free from all that!”

Let me first of all digress from my point about holidays and simply ask if these quotes sound real to anyone. How many people would use the phrase, “problems associated with excess eating” or “how thrilled I was to be set free”?

Jehovah’s Witnesses also claim in their magazines and publications that they don’t need holidays and birthdays as they can give gifts out of love and “at any time of the year.”  Yes, they absolutely can do this, but in my experience, they absolutely do not do this, at all, ever.  Growing up and and as an adult in the religion, I never once saw a parent give their child a gift for any reason or at any time, ever, other than for their wedding.  As said, some are now having small graduation parties for kids, but this is a relatively new occurrence.  Parties for kids were few and far between when I was in the religion, and at most might have been a few hours doing crafts and then having a slice of cake. What fun!

While some might enjoy the idea of not being obligated to give gifts, rather than being “set free” from just overspending and giving gifts they couldn’t afford, the Jehovah’s Witnesses I know were “set free” from ever having to host parties, buy gifts, or make life fun for their children in any way.  Children have all these holidays and celebrations taken from them, but are never compensated with any type of festivity or gift or party or fun of any sort

A JW parent might shrug off this information by reasoning that parties and holidays and gifts are not needed in a child’s life, but this overall lack of gift-giving and festivities can hurt children who are growing up as Jehovah’s Witnesses.  They aren’t stupid; they see other children getting gifts and fun parties from their parents, and then see their own parents, who are all too happy to be stingy and miserly and who never give them anything other than their basic necessities.  What are children supposed to think about how their parents feel about them?

Children see fun holidays and celebrations and festivities enjoyed by other kids at school, and then see their own religion, which not only takes these things away but which then involves constant dull meetings and assemblies, sermons, preaching work, dressing up, home bible studies on top of weekly meetings at the Kingdom Hall, and always being told what you’re doing wrong.  JW parents really think this isn’t damaging to children?  What impression does this leave on children as to what type of personality Jehovah has? What type of life does this give a child?

Not only do children see that they don’t get gifts and parties and festivities like other children, but they too can read in the JW publications the statements of those who see giving up holidays as a “vacation,” as if they’re now happier that the “burden” of having fun and being generous to their own families is gone.

They too read the claims JWs make about giving gifts “at anytime of the year,” and can see that these are just hollow words.  Might they start to question the false front that JWs put on, when it comes to statements made in their publications versus the reality of their everyday life?

I’m not telling Jehovah’s Witnesses what they should and should not celebrate, but I would ask how they think their children feel when they take away so much from them without giving anything in return.  You can say all the words you want; you can claim that Jehovah is a happy god and that you serve him with rejoicing and that you give gifts all the time, but what about your actions?  Yes, you can create happiness and fun and festivities for your children and give them gifts at anytime, but do you? Do you really make your children happy with gifts and fun times and festivities, or do you just make them victims of your religion by taking away anything and everything that might make their lives more enjoyable, as if the more miserable you are, the better Witness you are?



And are these too just more lies printed in your magazines to make outsiders think your families and your religion are much more loving than they really are? I would go with the latter choice myself.

So today , I am working again, but my little grandson will be coming over after church so I can see him in his little Easter outfit and you betcha Im going to make over him encourage his smiles and while letting him be happy with the Hippity Hoppity Easter Bunny , I will make sure he knows that today is all about Jesus  and how Jesus bore the bitter so he could taste the sweet chocolate bunny and  I know I once had an empty life but I am so thankful for that empty tomb today.


                                                                          

 

 

I am my Fathers Trash but Im God's Treasure

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30


                                                

 

Its been a while since my last blog ..so much has happened since then. Today , as I sit with my window opened and listening to the birds sing their praised and a light cool breeze blowing in , my heart is hurting and this scripture came to mind in Matthew. The Lord knows how tired I am mentally and even physically. Tired of trying to gain acceptance and love from two people that the Lord gave me too. Two people that should have seen me as a blessing not a curse, two people who should love me without end and sometimes, I wonder ..Lord, why did you give me and bless my parents with me, they didn’t appreciate your gift and I was the one who paid a high price . With that thought, comes another whisper, Karen, you are trying to take back this burden AGAIN, give it to me my child, I will give you rest .

 

I thought about what he said in Matthew .. Take my yoke…. A yoke is a heavy wooden piece used to bound animals together so they can walk in unison with one another..
                                    




So then I thought ,, Lord if I already have a burden , why do I want to take on a heavy piece of wood ( a yoke) I pondered on that for quite sometime but if I take on the yoke of the Lord  it can be comforting because he wants to carry my load , relieving me of the yoke of my parents , the Jehovah Witnesses.. this yoke has weighed me down long enough . I thought about how when Christ died he arose again three days later .. he woke up .. Today , I have awakened.

 

My story as a Jehovah Witness child is not uncommon,most who grow up as a JW we are stripped of our innocence, exposed to horrific images of death and Armageddon, conversations of adult matters. Instead of enjoying life as a child with sports, bands, cartoons, birthday cake ..we are stuck in our bedroom , lonely , left studying the Watchtower magazine or knocking on doors peddling magazines and isolated from society , suffering from loneliness and depression. Our child hood dreams are taken away, my dream of being an OBGYN was demanded to be replaced with a dream of knocking on doors for the remainder of my life, by doing this serving Jehovah my end prize would be getting to play with a big lion in Paradise.The price was way to high and the trade off not fair.

As a child, I had no choice ..but as  I grew into adult hood what kept me as a JW for as long as they did was FEAR, GUILT, SHAME and later Resentment  handing out magazines .





The burden of being shunned is the ultimate rejection of myself and the cruelest mental , emotional and psychological form of abuse especially from my own parents, the suffering is substancial but what Im learning is … the pain is only as long as I allow it to continue. I am beginning to understand I have a duty to my self , I have to love myself and my family , my real family  and real friends to protect them from the abuse the abusers the Jehovah Witnesses. We are obligated to protect ourselves ..even from our parents. There is a limit in which we honor and obey them. Im learning to honor parents does not mean I have to allow myself to be a target of their abuse any longer. After receiving this text message from my father …calling me  a piece of trash .. devastated me …
                                                    

..... how could he feel this way about his little girl, his one and only child .Shunning is the main reinforce of the Watchtower Organization. By allowing JW’s to shun me I am only showing them I have a respect for their rules, Im in a fact giving them permission , telling them its ok to treat me this way and that I am deserving of this type of treatment. But mom and dad, Im not , Im a human being with feelings, Im your daughter , that has feelings and just want to be wanted by you , but I no longer will allow you to hurt me .





The JW’s who practice shunning such as my parents, kept inserting themselves in my life by taking shots at me .. but this is as long as I let them. No longer will I allow you to do so . Allowing myself to be victimized takes away my power and keeps me weighed down .If my happiness is contingent on thinking my parents will leave the organization then I have realized I have put a pretty cheap price on my happiness with the Lord.

 

Mom and Dad you are the ones being punished by not being able to speak with me …..not me, my Lord gives me the freedom to speak to anyone..


I may be your trash dad you have stomped me long enough but Im still standing because what you didn't find pretty in me and loved me, The Lord says Im his child and Im beautiful and Im his treasure.