My blog today is to tell you how I’ve been SO blessed by my husband’s family. You all know by now, what MY family, my parents are like if you have followed by blogs... I don’t know what it’s like to have a close child relationship with parents or what it’s like to truly be loved by parents. I know what it’s like to be “judged” and “used” by my parents. Today, for some reason, my mother in law Marie Haase has been on my mind , well just not today but for a few days now, not because its her birthday anniversary or Mothers Day or the anniversary of her death, perhaps its because , of everything I have been through with my own biological mom who has thrown me under a bus, ran over me , has allowed a man and religion dictate what her relationship with her own daughter should be , rather than just loving me for who I am her daughter… When I married Mark , almost 18 years ago , after Marie realized I was not going to take her son Mark back to Tn while she was alive , we became close so it was a shock when I was shown unconditional love by a family ( Marie my mother in law, Mark my husband and my sweet sister in law Lynn) who didn’t have to show me love.
As I was going through the kids baby pics today , I ran upon a birthday card that Marie gave me and what she wrote was this .
“Any woman can be a daughter-in-law but it takes a certain spirit in a person to make the “in-law part to fall away ,leaving that comfortable word DAUGHTER, Karen you are a loving wife, giving and loving mother and your presence in the life of our family Mark Lynn and I has been simply a gift”
I hadnt
read that card in a long time , quite
honestly I had forgotten all about it until I came across it today , that was
on my 30th birthday she wrote
that , Im 46 now and looking back I didn’t even know how to accept love or compliments
especially from a ‘mom” I guess it hit me so hard because my own mother
doesn’t feel the same way AND I know that Marie
really felt this way.
When some people think of
mother-in-laws a lot of thoughts come to mind which are usually not flattering.
I cant help but be reminded of a mother in law in the bible who was also so
loved by her daughter in laws: Naomi’s love
and character was manifest to those around her throughout her life. Her love
for God touched the hearts of Ruth and Orpah through her actions and sentiments
while living as a Jew in Moab. Her love for her two daughters-in-law was so
strong that she urged them to stay behind in Moab where they were more likely
to find husbands. She continually provided motherly advice and guidance to
Ruth. The strong character of Naomi led to her continued blessing from God and
the opportunity for her to be a “mother” to one in our Lord’s lineage
Marie was always doing things for others even when she was sick or didn’t have a lot of money and often they were simple things. She adored small children and animals, and she loved people when they were at their worst as well as their best. She loved unconditionally - in every sense of the word. And she (thankfully) passed that ability to love so well down to her son Mark and her daughter Lynn and I know this because I am the fortunate recipient of that love from both my husband and sister in law.
From the moment I met Marie , she had 4 biological grandchildren Jessica, Josh , Brittany and Ben. Marie never once , introduced my boys Devon, Dakotah and Dylan as step grandchildren, she would always proudly boast I have 7 Grandchildren ,I knew when I married Mark she would treat them well and respect them, but I wasn’t prepared for her to actually love them- but she did. ( Picture below of all her grandbabies ,all 7 of them )
You could count on Marie to promptly send out birthday cards or anniversary cards. Her thank you cards were well thought out and at times very lengthy . Every gift fit that persons needs. She was attuned to anything new in your life , a new hair style, home decoration etc.. I have only ever been shown true unconditional love by my mother in law Marie, She felt my losses as if they were her own and she shared her thought sand feelings with me .
During the last few years of her life, was when her daughter, my sister in law Lynn became really close. We pulled together to take care of Marie and I think back as she lay in her bed at the house how she would smile seeing Lynn and I pick and make over her. Now, those of you who know Mark and Lynn , they are both quick witted and very comical, I never knew their dad Ben , but what I do know , is that Mark and Lynn got that quick wit from Marie. One evening about six months prior to Maries death , she was laying in her bed and Lynn and I were in the kitchen and we could see here asleep from the kitchen. However at this particular moment , from the kitchen , Marie was lying on her back and she did not appear to be breathing. Lynn looked at me , I looked at her, Lynn was gauging me saying “you go check and see if she is breathing “ I said “No you go check “ we went back and forth with this for at least 5 minutes and all of a sudden we hear in a loud voice “Girls Im not dead yet “ and we all laughed..
I didn’t realize how much it would mean to me to be with her when she took her last breath . It was a rainy night and Mark Lynn and I were all by her side as she would have wanted it to be .
Marie , I wish you could have remained here on Earth just a little while longer so your grandchildren and great grandchildren could know and truly appreciate the woman I knew .I will do my best to make sure Lexi and Grant and Raleigh and Emy will know about your legacy of unconditional love.
I love you Marie , I miss you every day , I miss Bob Evans, Golden Corral , shopping for new panties and bras that you didn’t even wear but it was fun. I miss being with Lynn and you and hearing you argue and sometimes, when I really miss you Marie all I have to do is get Mark or Lynn start fussing and then I hear Marie come out of both their mouths as long as Mark and Lynn are living , I will always be able to get a glimpse of you .
Marie, I will do my best to continue to be a good wife to your son , a good sister to your daughter, a good mom to my children and good Aunt to your grandchildren . I will always remember that unconditional love is possible even for mere mortals and I will spend my life trying to love everyone unconditionally, just the way you loved me , thank you for that , the light and truth of your love will never go out .. so today , I drop the “in law ‘and say I love you sweet mother.
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