Friendship: What is it? Still at 45 , I ponder that
question . Growing up as Jehovah’s Witness, this is all I knew the doctrines
that were being inculcated. I have often said that I’m am thankful for my
foundation my parents gave me but I think any normal parent child relationship
should be one where parents know where your children are, whom are they associating
with, not being their friends, teaching values that you don’t drink and smoke pot,
as parents we should be raising our children ready to become adult and stand on
their own two feet. I’m thankful that my parents always knew where I was at and
I know they did this so I would not be a troubled girl, having sex out of wed lock,
perhaps having an abortion, end up with an addiction and so forth. Although, looking back and as an only child I
often said it was a LONELY child. Jehovah’s Witnesses play the game of divide
and conquer, the keep you isolated, even as a child when we enter school. While
all the other kids are coloring in kindergarten and first grade. Coloring
Christmas trees, or outlining your hand to make a turkey, JW children we were
taken into a different room , where we could not partake in the school Holiday
parties, pep rally’s joining a club , playing sports, saying the word bless you after someone sneezed.
As JW children we are taught young and what we are taught is
FEAR... FEAR of everyone and everything. Oh I can remember so often just
wanting one time to be normal and just go to a pep rally. But the inculcate the
scripture of 1 Corinthians 15:33 in your brain. It’s one of the first versus
you learn. They only encourage friends amongst fellow witnesses and even within
the congregation if you didn’t hold up to a certain standard to be a very
devout witness, you could even be not a valid friend amongst your own.
When I was 14, was the first time I started having my
doubts. I was in 8th grade and there were 4 of JW kids that attended
the same school together. My dear friend Kim, whom I can’t ever not remember
knowing because we were both raised as JW had most of all our classes together.
Well Kim got into a little trouble, nothing really major, like getting caught
having a boyfriend who was not a JW and smoking a cigarette. I remember at this
time 14, I thought and even felt that this should be a parental thing that it
was up to Kim’s parents to punish her not the whole entire congregation but on
one Wednesday night, one of the elders got up a publicly announced Kim’s full
name and she was being disassociated. What this meant was from this point on no
one was allowed to speak to her. SHE WAS 14... She could come to the Kingdom
Hall but we as a group were to shame her and make her feel guilty and the only
way she could repent would be continue coming to the Kingdom Hall and being
shunned. That didn’t set well with me.
First of all, she was my best friend, we talked every day at school, how was I
to go to school the next day and not speak to my bestie. It was the weirdest
feeling the next day, Kim and I looked at each other but never said word to each
other for days. Finally, I did a sin, I wrote and snuck her a letter telling
her I loved her and we can sneak and write letters and we did, we had to be
careful about speaking to one another because we had two other JW kids that
were always watching us and if we had got caught we both would have been in
more trouble. Now , those of you who are reading this , yes, it’s hard for you
to wrap your head around this, now put yourself in my shoes , I wasn’t allowed
to really associate with the kids at school and now my best friend I can’t
speak with her. LONELY… it was then I realized something just did not make
sense how God would find this ok...but of course I could never question this to
my parents, I then would be shunned at 14 …
Fasting Forward... over time I will shed more light on the
JW beliefs in detail... but for today’s blog it is about my friends... they are
very little two count. Why... although I was able to break free from the religion,
the religion over the years has still kept in bondage. I still fear, as JW’s we
are taught to snitch on one another so I have always had a problem of trust ,
always feeling someone is out to get me , so therefore I took on the attitude I’ll
get them first before they get me.. Terrible terrible thing to have to share...sad...
but true. My heart wants friends but my guard is always up for fear of being hurt.
I am now beginning to be more appreciative of the very few friends I have and
two I want to acknowledge today are:
My TN BFF Mary Dale Blalock – Mary Dale and
I met back in 2009. The Lord couldn’t have brought her in my life at a better
time. Mary Dale is one of sweetest gentle lambs of God that I have had the
privilege to call my friend. We may not have ever agreed on everything but then
again who does... but Mary Dale has never once judged me. She has watched my
journey through being shunned by my parents and fellow JW’s, she has watched me
cry, wiped my tears and sometimes without even knowing what to say, it’s just
her saying nothing and listening is helpful. Our love of yard sales, flea markets
a good deal are also common interest and we always refer to us as Thelma and
Louise. There may be weeks we don’t get a chance to see each other, but we
always know we are there for one another in a heart beat. Mary Dale’s walk with God , she just doesn’t talkie
talkie , my friend does the walkie walkie with God, she sets the example for me
and I need her to know that I truly love her , our friendship is like that of
David and Jonathan and Im forever thankful she is in my life.
My Maryland Bestie… Jill Griffin... Oh my, me and this girl,
we go back 17 years. Raising all our boys together. Lord between 7 boys between
us we have been through it all. We have been baseball moms, wrestling moms,
working moms, we have watched our children grow up and now having babies on
their own. When Jill and I became friends she also began to learn about this
journey of mine of being a former JW, Jill witnessed back in 2008 how sick the shunning
of my parents made me, so sick that I became anorexic and spent 2 months at
Johns Hopkins. Jill helped my husband take care of my boys while trying to get
better and although Jill could not understand quite everything mentally, she
was always trying to help me try some way to move forward... never did she get
mad at me and just say GET over it... I’m sure she may have wanted too...lol
but she didn’t. My friend Jill is an amazing crafter, it was through her she
found a therapeutic way to help me, she taught me to cross stitch and to this day
, it is only through Jill I mastered the gift of cross stitching.. We had a
little hiccup in our friendship back in 2008 and for years we did not talk, a
few years ago we found each other again on FB and I’ll never forget Jill’s
humbleness of apologizing and you know what we have never brought it up again,
our friendship is stronger now .
So although , I still struggle with the idea of friends I
value those in my life and there are a few more I will soon write about as well
but for today it is Mary Dale and Jill
Proverbs 18:24New King James Version (NKJV)
24 A man who has friends must
himself be friendly
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
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