Since the birth of my grandson Raleigh , my son and his wife have allowed my parents , to babysit Raleigh once or twice a week. This is their great grandchild , of course they are thrilled and happy and they do love him so much .
About 15 years ago , while in the strong midst of my parents shunning me , they had called me in Maryland and wanted to know if they could have the boys , my sons Devon Cody and Dylan for two weeks during the summer. Although my parents shunned me, I wanted my boys to know and have some memories of their grandparents even though they were staunch Jehovah Witnesses. I told my parents yes they can come, but my only rule was ..they could not take the boys to the Kingdom Hall, nor talk religion with them. I felt this was my parental decision. Other than that , they could take them fishing , to the park etc..have a great time with them. So , my husband and I drove the 8 hours down to Tn to drop them off , we turned around and drove the 8 hours back as soon as we pulled in the driveway at 10 pm, my son Devon who was 12 and the time called me and whispered in the phone "momma, nanny took us to JC Penney's to get us suits and ties and Papaw says while we are here in his house we will attend the Kingdom Hall" so ...my husband and I turned around and drove another 8 hours back and I knocked on my parents door at 7 am and took my sons back home . I tried to reason with them, these were my sons and all I wanted was no discussion of religion. I even reasoned with them "you would never have allowed my grandparents to take me to a Baptist church would you ? so Im their mother and Im not allowing them to the Kingdom Hall.Fast Forwarding to last week , my son Devon had got wind that my parents are teaching Raleigh to pray . Devon and Jessi have no problem with prayer, They indeed are teaching Raleigh about the love of Christ. Im so proud of my son and daughter in law for going over and facing my parents, his grandparents . They asked my parents do they pray with Raleigh, they said yes, they asked specifically what they pray about and do they just say God or Jesus. My dad staunchly stated they use and are teaching him the name Jehovah. ( This normally wouldn't be an issue , but you have to understand that JW's do not believe in the trinity , so therefore they don't commonly use Christ name in prayer just Jehovah) Devon and Jessi , faced the same issue that Mark and I faced 15 years ago , so Devon and Jessi had to inform them that Raleigh could no longer come to their home if they could not abide by the simple rule of just not using the name Jehovah.
So now we are looking forward to Christmas, I still struggle with actually celebrating Christmas, its just sad but I am working really really hard at making new memories.
Actually, Ive only had two trees in my entire life. As a born and raised 2nd generation Jehovah Witness growing up , this was one of many holidays we didn’t celebrate. I formerly disassociated myself as a JW back in 1998 and although I left the religion , still certain things that were taught as a child carried through the years. A few years ago our sons Devon, Dakotah , Dylan and Ben decided they were going to get a tree and surprise me . Well that they did, I walked into our home in Maryland and there stood the most ugliest prettiest tree I had ever seen. You see, since the boys weren’t raised with a tree, they weren’t quite sure how to put it up or decorate it. It was lop sided and the ornaments were not hung with hooks but placed instead with the eye of ornament sticking in the limbs. But there it stood, the most gorgeous first Christmas tree ever. Smiles.
Firstly I must stress that I absolutely hold out anyone’s right to their own beliefs and opinions; but when the practice of such directly causes mental anguish to family and friends then it is time to investigate and expose such practices. People who are termed ex jw’s are often perceived as bitter, twisted individuals with an ax to grind or they have a mental disease. I am appreciative of the fact that my parents raised me in believing in God, creation, morals, values , in the end isn’t that what all of us parents should be teaching .
This is the point where my life is now. I have come to the realization over the past year that the religion that I grew up in will continue to have an effect on me for the rest of my days. There is no escaping it.
This is the paradox facing anyone with friends and family in the Watchtower organization; until they have left they cannot see the fallacy of it. But not until they have seen the fallacy of it can they leave. A vicious circle. Jehovah’s Witnesses are so convinced of the correctness and divinity of their own doctrine, that they cannot tolerate any other opinion. Thus those still within the Watchtower mostly shun their non-witness family in the hope that such shunning will bring their non-Witness family into "the truth". I have shunned people and now I am shunned.
Although I have not set foot inside a Kingdom Hall in over a decade, for many years after leaving I was in constant self-doubt. I worried myself sick sometimes over my imminent demise through my leaving "the one true faith".
At the time I got baptized I thought I was doing the right thing. But as any informed person will know, a 14year-old raised in "the Truth" knows nothing, absolutely nothing about life to make a decision of the nature and magnitude required at baptism. Once you become baptized as JW, you are held accountable to everything. At 14 , I wasn’t even old enough to have drivers license, buy a pack of cigarettes, alcohol, see and R rated movie, but I was expected to make a VOW , that I truly did not understand that would effect the rest of my life how that mere humans so called friends would view me . My thoughts upon seeing this usually are: "If only I knew then what I know now!"
Imagine the trauma of a child at the impressionable age of 5 and for a decade thereafter being denied what everyone else took for granted! My school memories are all pretty sad. I achieved reasonable grades but socially I was a wreck. It took me many years after leaving school in the working world just to interact with normal people on a daily basis.
Whenever any social activity was going on I was always left out. "It’s a waste of time asking her!" they would say. "SHe’s not allowed to do anything." So in the end I had no Friends.Sure, I had school mates that were friendly but I wasn’t allowed to do anything with them outside of school. I had to console myself with the thought that "I was making Jehovah’s heart glad" by not associating with these "worldly people". The most dreadful time of year was going back to school after the Christmas holidays. Everyone would be describing or showing the gifts they received from their friends and family. A good year was if they left me alone. Then I would sit and feel sorry that I didn't get any Christmas presents. But kids being kids I was invariably the object of ridicule , Because I was different.One year, I just decided that I would lie, when went back to school, I made up all sorts of stuff I got for Christmas, I couldn’t say I got new clothes because they were the same as I had worn before Christmas School for most of the time was a constant worry. Every day I just wanted to be normal. Not different. My religion would try to portray my contemporaries as evil. Doing evil things in Satan's world. In point of fact most teenagers in the 80's I recollect now that very few of the people I went to school with were immoral, mindless, drug abusing, drinking, evil people. Apart from the one or two idiots, (and every school had them), most of us were pretty much the same. Except me! I stuck out like a sore thumb. Usually in conversations I would spot trends that might lead to ridicule of me and I quickly became adept at diverting attention to something else. But the determined amongst my peers would find reason to ridicule. Naturally, my parents had no clue of what went on, So long as I obeyed their rules and kept out of trouble that was the main concern. Thank goodness, for such teachers as Mr. Henderson and Mr. Lloyd , I think felt pity for me that they tried to make things a little normal.. Even when I see Mr. Henderson today , he knows who I am . He will never know what solace he brought to me in school.
As I write this I try to tell myself that because it is some 10 to 20 years since this happened it no longer matters. But it does, because the hurt will never go away. Yes certainly the pain recedes with time and I don’t spend every waking moment consumed with bitterness, but I can never go back and reclaim these times. My childhood was destroyed in the name of a religion and nothing I can do now and no matter how I feel will change this.
I suppose what makes it slightly easier to bear now is that I have seen the Watchtower Religion for what it is; .
The truth as they saw it had no gray areas. If it was printed in the Watchtower, IT WAS LAW.
Witnesses and everything they stand for.
The regimented life we led as a family bore no resemblance to my school friends. Meetings, field service and family study. 1981 through to 1987 were just routine based around what the Watchtower wanted. I kept telling myself that it was not right to feel the way I did. Why did I have to be the one unlucky enough to be being raised as a JW? But what else was there. You were raised to believe that it was worth all the short term suffering for the wonderful future. My parents kept telling me they knew how I felt. How could they? They were never raised in the truth. They had all the benefits of a normal contemporary childhood. They went into it as grown adults.
It was only after I left in 1998 and a nurse I worked with Janice Messer kept witnessing to me , I had never been in a church before, only a Kingdom Hall. She kept inviting me to her church and although I felt I was being led to go I didn’t for fear, I was taught to never go in a church, they don’t use their Bible and they do not know the name Jehovah. One evening at work while the shift was slow in Labor and Delivery , Janice said to me “ Ok Karen, lets pretend for one moment there isn’t a hell as you believe , then if you died right now , you wouldn’t have to worry about anything , is that correct “ I said “Yes” She said “ok, now lets just pretend there is a hell, and my friend the Bible does teach of hell, if you my friend have not asked the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior and forgiveness and submit to him, then my friend you have everything to be worried about.” I was in conviction, I could not sleep or eat and finally I told Janice I would go to church with her.That Sunday I stood outside that church door, trembling crying as Janice tried to console me that everything was going to be ok. I think thought little demons were going to spew off the wall and I just knew I would lose Jehovahs favor . But I walked in and the most calm I had ever felt in my life came over me , and I saw happy people, I saw people with their Bibles and while the pastor was preaching and using his Bible he said Jehovah “ What my ears perked up, you know Psalms 83:18 , wow, you know Gods name as Jehovah” That week in May of 1998 , I surrendered and gave my life and salvation was given and I know I am a Child of the king. I finally started to get my mind back together. Professional help was needed along the way.
So now I just carry on. Doing normal things, like normal people. And it does get better. I have my fair share of everyday problems but unlike the mind slaves of the Watchtower I face them on my own terms. One of the very unfortunate side effects of leaving the Watchtower is that I have a hard time with finding a home church for fear. Yet, there are some very decent committed people out there trying to make life better for everyone using the message of Christ. I hope one day that my fears will subside.Maybe next year my husband told me that the cycle will be broken with the birth of our first grandchild. Next year he said, you can live vicariously through Raleigh , you can break the cycle and maybe feel normal to have a tree…. Maybe …just Maybe..
Writing this , I am sitting here trying to decide to post or not,scared, knowing that if certain people read this I will be shunned more, possibly by my parents. I love my parents more than they know and feel I proven to be a daughter that has taken care of them regardless of what their religion tells them to treat me.And I will continue being that daughter . My parents taught me honor them and respect them and I think I have done so. But I also know the power of the religion, unfortunately , it hold more power than I .
Firstly I must stress that I absolutely hold out anyone’s right to their own beliefs and opinions; but when the practice of such directly causes mental anguish to family and friends then it is time to investigate and expose such practices. People who are termed ex jw’s are often perceived as bitter, twisted individuals with an ax to grind or they have a mental disease. I am appreciative of the fact that my parents raised me in believing in God, creation, morals, values , in the end isn’t that what all of us parents should be teaching .
This is the point where my life is now. I have come to the realization over the past year that the religion that I grew up in will continue to have an effect on me for the rest of my days. There is no escaping it.
This is the paradox facing anyone with friends and family in the Watchtower organization; until they have left they cannot see the fallacy of it. But not until they have seen the fallacy of it can they leave. A vicious circle. Jehovah’s Witnesses are so convinced of the correctness and divinity of their own doctrine, that they cannot tolerate any other opinion. Thus those still within the Watchtower mostly shun their non-witness family in the hope that such shunning will bring their non-Witness family into "the truth". I have shunned people and now I am shunned.
Although I have not set foot inside a Kingdom Hall in over a decade, for many years after leaving I was in constant self-doubt. I worried myself sick sometimes over my imminent demise through my leaving "the one true faith".
At the time I got baptized I thought I was doing the right thing. But as any informed person will know, a 14year-old raised in "the Truth" knows nothing, absolutely nothing about life to make a decision of the nature and magnitude required at baptism. Once you become baptized as JW, you are held accountable to everything. At 14 , I wasn’t even old enough to have drivers license, buy a pack of cigarettes, alcohol, see and R rated movie, but I was expected to make a VOW , that I truly did not understand that would effect the rest of my life how that mere humans so called friends would view me . My thoughts upon seeing this usually are: "If only I knew then what I know now!"
Imagine the trauma of a child at the impressionable age of 5 and for a decade thereafter being denied what everyone else took for granted! My school memories are all pretty sad. I achieved reasonable grades but socially I was a wreck. It took me many years after leaving school in the working world just to interact with normal people on a daily basis.
Whenever any social activity was going on I was always left out. "It’s a waste of time asking her!" they would say. "SHe’s not allowed to do anything." So in the end I had no Friends.Sure, I had school mates that were friendly but I wasn’t allowed to do anything with them outside of school. I had to console myself with the thought that "I was making Jehovah’s heart glad" by not associating with these "worldly people". The most dreadful time of year was going back to school after the Christmas holidays. Everyone would be describing or showing the gifts they received from their friends and family. A good year was if they left me alone. Then I would sit and feel sorry that I didn't get any Christmas presents. But kids being kids I was invariably the object of ridicule , Because I was different.One year, I just decided that I would lie, when went back to school, I made up all sorts of stuff I got for Christmas, I couldn’t say I got new clothes because they were the same as I had worn before Christmas School for most of the time was a constant worry. Every day I just wanted to be normal. Not different. My religion would try to portray my contemporaries as evil. Doing evil things in Satan's world. In point of fact most teenagers in the 80's I recollect now that very few of the people I went to school with were immoral, mindless, drug abusing, drinking, evil people. Apart from the one or two idiots, (and every school had them), most of us were pretty much the same. Except me! I stuck out like a sore thumb. Usually in conversations I would spot trends that might lead to ridicule of me and I quickly became adept at diverting attention to something else. But the determined amongst my peers would find reason to ridicule. Naturally, my parents had no clue of what went on, So long as I obeyed their rules and kept out of trouble that was the main concern. Thank goodness, for such teachers as Mr. Henderson and Mr. Lloyd , I think felt pity for me that they tried to make things a little normal.. Even when I see Mr. Henderson today , he knows who I am . He will never know what solace he brought to me in school.
As I write this I try to tell myself that because it is some 10 to 20 years since this happened it no longer matters. But it does, because the hurt will never go away. Yes certainly the pain recedes with time and I don’t spend every waking moment consumed with bitterness, but I can never go back and reclaim these times. My childhood was destroyed in the name of a religion and nothing I can do now and no matter how I feel will change this.
I suppose what makes it slightly easier to bear now is that I have seen the Watchtower Religion for what it is; .
The truth as they saw it had no gray areas. If it was printed in the Watchtower, IT WAS LAW.
Witnesses and everything they stand for.
The regimented life we led as a family bore no resemblance to my school friends. Meetings, field service and family study. 1981 through to 1987 were just routine based around what the Watchtower wanted. I kept telling myself that it was not right to feel the way I did. Why did I have to be the one unlucky enough to be being raised as a JW? But what else was there. You were raised to believe that it was worth all the short term suffering for the wonderful future. My parents kept telling me they knew how I felt. How could they? They were never raised in the truth. They had all the benefits of a normal contemporary childhood. They went into it as grown adults.
It was only after I left in 1998 and a nurse I worked with Janice Messer kept witnessing to me , I had never been in a church before, only a Kingdom Hall. She kept inviting me to her church and although I felt I was being led to go I didn’t for fear, I was taught to never go in a church, they don’t use their Bible and they do not know the name Jehovah. One evening at work while the shift was slow in Labor and Delivery , Janice said to me “ Ok Karen, lets pretend for one moment there isn’t a hell as you believe , then if you died right now , you wouldn’t have to worry about anything , is that correct “ I said “Yes” She said “ok, now lets just pretend there is a hell, and my friend the Bible does teach of hell, if you my friend have not asked the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior and forgiveness and submit to him, then my friend you have everything to be worried about.” I was in conviction, I could not sleep or eat and finally I told Janice I would go to church with her.That Sunday I stood outside that church door, trembling crying as Janice tried to console me that everything was going to be ok. I think thought little demons were going to spew off the wall and I just knew I would lose Jehovahs favor . But I walked in and the most calm I had ever felt in my life came over me , and I saw happy people, I saw people with their Bibles and while the pastor was preaching and using his Bible he said Jehovah “ What my ears perked up, you know Psalms 83:18 , wow, you know Gods name as Jehovah” That week in May of 1998 , I surrendered and gave my life and salvation was given and I know I am a Child of the king. I finally started to get my mind back together. Professional help was needed along the way.
So now I just carry on. Doing normal things, like normal people. And it does get better. I have my fair share of everyday problems but unlike the mind slaves of the Watchtower I face them on my own terms. One of the very unfortunate side effects of leaving the Watchtower is that I have a hard time with finding a home church for fear. Yet, there are some very decent committed people out there trying to make life better for everyone using the message of Christ. I hope one day that my fears will subside.Maybe next year my husband told me that the cycle will be broken with the birth of our first grandchild. Next year he said, you can live vicariously through Raleigh , you can break the cycle and maybe feel normal to have a tree…. Maybe …just Maybe..
Writing this , I am sitting here trying to decide to post or not,scared, knowing that if certain people read this I will be shunned more, possibly by my parents. I love my parents more than they know and feel I proven to be a daughter that has taken care of them regardless of what their religion tells them to treat me.And I will continue being that daughter . My parents taught me honor them and respect them and I think I have done so. But I also know the power of the religion, unfortunately , it hold more power than I .
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